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You have nothing to do with your life but eat, sleep, and poop. Currently, you’re failing at 33.333% of your job. I’ve provided you with food, a bed, and fresh diapers, thus I’ve done my job. If you can’t sharpen up and perform to expectations, we may just have to let you go from our organization.
Go the hell to sleep, crying baby.
Delivery: We’ve all had a rough 12 hours. Why don’t you come back when we’re not fucking tired, asshole?
People just got so excited about our new baby, that they planned a rotating shift of visitors to keep all three of us awake at the hospital. I’ve never been so close to murdering friends, family, and loved ones in my life.
Oh. My. God. If you have never seen a grown man come close to throwing up all over a baby, consider yourself blessed. The wife and I had the privilege of changing Wyatt’s first messy diaper, and though we read up on the horrors in which to expect, we still were not ready for this gruesome nightmare. It was as if this baby melted a Tootsie-Roll with his butt-cheeks for the sole pleasure of punishing us for our sins. I’ve seen some bad things man, some bad things – but this was a neatly wrapped gift of terrifying.
Damn baby is always crying for milk, like I’m some milk factory or something; made of milk if you will. This has been going on for long enough. He is 4 days old already, and has been mooching for 3 days too many. Get a job and buy your own damn milk, baby!
This little monster has been keeping me awake at random hours of the day. It’s not that I’m tired now, I just never seem to know which day of the week it is.
Wyatt James – born 04.13.12 at 2:10am after 21 hours of labor. He weighed 8 lbs. 13 oz. and was 21″ long.
He is a healthy baby that enjoys sleeping all day and partying all night. He doesn’t fuss or cry much and has many family members who are already spoiling him.
Wyatt is still learning how to be a baby with us at the hospital and will be coming home Sunday to his fancy little room.
This week has been the longest week of my life. Wyatt was due Sunday, April 5th, and has stubbornly decided to take his time in arriving. The wife, having no inclination whatsoever of going into labor, is finally being induced in two days. We’re both home form work now and are just counting the minutes until the baby comes or we claw each others heads off. Arg!!
The wife just hit week 39 of her pregnancy, which is fantastic. She’s doing well, feels great, and is overall happy with life. The baby? Healthy as well, but no signs of labor on the horizon. Of course that doesn’t stop every single person I know from causing a scene whenever I talk to them. I’m getting so tired of answering these questions that I’m ready to punch the next person who asks in the face.
“Like, are you totally excited to be a new dad???”
“You better get all the sleep you possibly can now, because you won’t get ANY later!!”
“The baby is almost here!! What can I get him/What does he need??”
Is it really necessary for every person I interact with to go through this routine with me? I’m sure they are considerably excited and want to probe my thoughts, but some part of them has to know that I hear the same script from everyone else. Be unique and come up with something original that ignites more than a groan from me. Actually hold a conversation with real questions, not just simple ones that you think you are supposed to be asking. This drives me, and many parents I’ve talked to about this, up the wall.
These three lines irritate me the most due to the stupidity one must have in order to mutter them. If any thought or reason at all went into the string of words to leave one’s mouth, they would most likely feel embarrassed for even have conjured the sentences in their own mind. Lets dive in, shall we?
Has anyone else seen this and thought, “What in the holy hell is going on here?!” because I sure am. I know that I have been out of the game purchasing loop for almost a year now, as nothing worth spending time or money on has been produced, but damn! …When did games become so freaking expensive? Was it not that long ago where the top name titles were prominently displayed for $49.99? I remember Modern Warfare raising that bar up and shocking millions with a $59.99 price tag, but now the Diablo franchise as well? Greedy corporations will be the death of this country humanity.
Tonight, I decided to take the wife out to dinner since the pregnancy pains lately were really kicking her in the …belly. While talking, we were both really astonished to find out that the other simply thinks that all other expecting mothers we have met are just horrible. Whether it’s their new sense of entitlement or preparation abilities or even adaption to change, we were amazed at how sub-par we have noticed others to be. It’s as if becoming pregnant threw them up on a pedestal and nothing else in life mattered; not even accumulating the supplies needed for their upcoming baby. Truly disgusting in my opinion.
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